Fear and Creativity

There's a book by Elizabeth Gilbert entitled Big Magic.  I have read this book once, and I decided to read it again...it was that good.

As the author states, if you're someone who is already comfortable with your relationship with ideas and creativity, the book is not for you.  This book is for people like me, who feel that they are not the creative type, but wish they were.

Ms. Gilbert talks about the magic of creativity.  She literally thinks that creativity comes from the supernatural realm, and that ideas seek human vessels willing to host and nurture them.  Ultimately, each person has a choice as to whether or not they choose to welcome the ideas or not.  Saying yes can mean a great deal of work and struggle, but also accomplishment and fulfillment.  Saying no might be the right decision based on many different factors, but it can also mean missed opportunity and emptiness.  She also points out that we often say no to ideas because we are afraid.

In my own experience, I find myself quite capable of persuading myself to say no to most ideas that have even a hint of creativity.  As I have gotten older, it has become quite clear that fear is really the common denominator of all of the reasons that I give myself.  And if creativity dwells in the supernatural realm, fear is definitely a shape shifting nemesis.

When ideas come knocking on my door, I look through the window.  I'm usually quite happy to see the idea, and I really want to open the door, but the key to the deadbolt has been hidden from me.  I ask for the key to the door, and a sensible voice asks me if I think that is a wise decision.  It is a familiar voice, and I listen.

For me, at least, ideas do not typically come to visit me alone.  Ideas tend to bring along their cunning friend, fear.  Fear is quite savvy.  It knows that it is not typically welcome when it enters undisguised; no one wants to be afraid, after all.  In an effort to survive, fear takes on many forms, including but certainly not limited to:  an efficient project manager concerned about my available time; a shrewd accountant warning me that there's not enough in the budget; a trusted psychologist who feels that the pressure and rejection might be more than I can handle; and a security guard who wants to shield me from injury.

Fear can also take on some unfriendly forms: the older sibling that laughs at my inexperience, and leaves me behind because I am not cool enough to be part of their world; or the bully that steals my lunch money and threatens to beat me up for being different, forcing me into hiding.

It is true that fear can be useful.  Sometimes fear is right.  But as I get older, I am starting to see that fear should not be my superior.  Like a trusted adviser, fear should be consulted and considered, but never in charge.

I try to have a discussion with fear (or whoever fear is pretending to be at that moment).  I share my thoughts in an attempt to win the debate.  Words are powerless; the only thing that keeps fear in check is action.  Action is made manifest by confidence. But confidence is ironically quite shy in many of us, and like a child unfamiliar with people and surroundings, needs to feel a level of comfort before it will stop hiding and interact.

Unlike fear, confidence does respond to words, and luckily, confidence is quite gullible.  When I tell confidence that there's nothing to worry about, even if I am lying, she will believe me. She peeks out from behind the wall, and I can keep coaxing her along.  I tell her we will learn as we go, even from - no, especially from - our mistakes.  The key is the volume of my voice; I need to speak loudly if I expect to steal the attention of confidence.  She is hearing impaired, and the voice of fear is powerful.

Practice makes perfect; as they say, I need to fake it until I make it.  The fear of failure, the fear of hard work, and even the fear of success can be very powerful forces.  When creative ideas knock on my door, confidence and action need to overrule my tendency towards fear.